You’re Probably Not Giving Enough Compliments

I am really proud of being a great cheerleader. I know I can be critical at times, but it's usually when someone asks me to be. My first instinct is to find the good in something. Especially when it comes to people.

Unsolicited? I start with compliments.

We tend to fixate on criticism. But the truth is, compliments are often much more powerful.

Especially the specific ones. The ones that come from someone you respect. The kind you think about when you're doubting yourself.

I don’t remember every “Great job!” I’ve gotten after a talk or a meeting. But I do remember when someone said, “When you told that story, it really unlocked something for me.” That sticks. That fuels me when I’m feeling off my game.

So… if compliments are that powerful, why don’t we give them out more?

What’s Holding Us Back?

We all have an unlimited supply of compliments. We’re not going to run out. There’s no shortage. And still—most people withhold them.

Why? Is it insecurity? Jealousy? Just not thinking about it?

Sometimes it’s that awkward feeling of complimenting someone “above” you. As if they don’t need to hear it. (They do.)

Sometimes we’re not sure how it’ll land. (It’ll probably land just fine.)

Part of it is this: giving a compliment takes confidence. It means you're secure enough to notice and acknowledge someone else’s achievement or performance without feeling like it takes anything away from your own.

It’s not sucking up. It’s being human.

Good Compliments Are Specific

"Nice job" is fine. "You're amazing" is… fine.

But the compliments that land? They're specific. They're earned. And they prove you were paying attention.

That’s a compliment that matters.

Like asking a good question, a good compliment shows you were actually present.

It doesn’t need to be profound. Just intentional.

You can compliment clarity. Courage. Timing. Kindness. A phrase. A gesture. A moment.

You noticed. Say something.

Status Doesn’t Matter

Just because someone’s successful doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate a compliment. In fact, the more accomplished someone is, the less likely they are to hear anything that feels real.

The higher people go, the more filtered the feedback becomes.

That means your words might be the only ones that actually get through.

Compliment your boss. Compliment your intern. Compliment the stranger who crushed their presentation. There are no rules here—just opportunities.

It Feels Good to Give, Too

We talk a lot about the impact a good compliment can have on someone else—but let’s not ignore what it does for the person giving it.

When you stop and recognize someone—really see them—and then take the extra step to say it out loud, there’s a spark of connection that happens. It shifts the energy. You’re not just observing anymore; you’re participating. You’re reinforcing something meaningful. And that feels good.

It’s not about being nice or putting on a show. It’s about paying attention and saying the thing most people let pass by. That’s not fluff—that’s awareness. That’s leadership. You’re reinforcing something real, and that has weight.

And here’s the thing: the more you do it, the more attuned you become. You start spotting what’s working—in others, in conversations, even in the messy stuff. Compliments aren’t just kindness. They’re clarity, out loud.

There’s No Expiration Date

Sure, it’s great to give a compliment in the moment—right after the meeting, right after the performance, right after you notice something worth acknowledging. But if you missed the moment, that doesn’t mean the opportunity is gone.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you…” is always fair game.

Whether it’s a day later, a month later, or even years down the line—if something stuck with you, if someone said or did something that left a mark, it’s still worth saying. Compliment-able moments don't expire. And sometimes, the fact that you’ve carried it with you for that long makes it more meaningful and impactful.

So, don't worry about the timing. Just share it.

Where This Connects to Everything Else

This might seem like a softer topic—but it’s not. Compliments are part of the narrative infrastructure. They reduce cognitive load. They build trust. They strengthen teams. They reinforce alignment.

And if you’ve been following along, you’ll see the thread:

🧠 Cognitive Load Is Real A compliment, like clarity, makes things lighter. It tells someone: you’re on the right track.

🤝 Who Are Your Sensemakers? Compliments are tiny moments of sensemaking. They say, “That thing you did? It mattered.”

🎯 Real Thought Leadership Helps People Decide Sometimes a compliment is thought leadership. It nudges someone toward a clearer version of themselves.

🤖 GPT Doesn’t Know What I Know Compliments come from intuition—from lived context. Machines can echo praise, but they can’t mean it.

🍕 People Like Bad Pizza Success is personal. A compliment tells someone what mattered to you—not what’s “objectively best.” And that kind of feedback is gold.

So yeah, this fits. It’s another layer of the same conversation: making meaning, building alignment, and helping each other move forward.

Berkson's Bits

The secret to better networking? Stop trying to be interesting. Start being curious.

What I'm Reading/Listening To

This past week we lost several icons of the music industry who had their biggest impact in the mid-60's: Sly Stone and Brian Wilson. I wrote before about Sly Stone in a previous What I'm Reading/Listening To section. I'm making it through his memoir, and this week I'm listening to his music as well.

As for Brian Wilson, all I can say is the more I learn about music, the more of a genius I realize he was. This week, in remembrance, have a listen to one of the most influential Rock & Roll composer/producer of all time. It's worth a listen to check out God Only Knows from the iconic Pet Sounds album and, of course, take another listen to the groundbreaking studio recording that was Good Vibrations.

You have an unlimited supply of compliments. Don't hoard them.

When you feel it, give it. Send the note. Give the feedback. Celebrate the achievement.

You don’t need a framework for giving compliments. You don’t need a Notion template. You don’t need a TED Talk on the science of praise.

You just need to notice something—and say something.

Here's some homework: find one person this week. Think of something specific they did—something you noticed, something that worked, something that stayed with you—and tell them. Say it out loud, say it in writing. Whatever works. Just share it.

It might take you 30 seconds. But for the person on the receiving end, it might land in a way that lasts much longer. You'll be surprised how good you feel after you do.

And the more you do it, the easier it gets. Compliments are a habit worth building.

Looking forward to continuing the conversation…

Alan